Saturday, October 6, 2012

Morning Motives…


I just cannot continue to be in bed beyond 7 a.m. even on a Saturday. Usually, after working hard throughout the week, it is taken that a person would prefer sleeping through the weekend. I am used to jogging for quite some time now and it is something that I cannot give up. That is the only time I find for myself. People have asked me several times why I do that. They feel I am thin and don’t need to exercise (well … no comments on that! :P). Can’t a person work-out to remain fit and fine? Anyway… that’s not the point here. What I am bringing out today, is something I found at the jogger’s park, at 28th main cross at HSR sector-1.

My colleagues say that it takes ‘something’ to pull oneself out of the cozy covers and hit the park for just a jog. I do not know how difficult this can be for some but yes… since the time I have discovered this park, I just cannot wait to get there in mornings, however rainy, cold or sunny they might be. Apart from being health conscious, there are other driving factors too.

I come from Goa, a place known for its greenery, great people, beaches, food and fun. It turns all the more beautiful in the monsoons with large portions of land being used up for agriculture. The non-perennial springs making their way through the rocks located in the hills to the inhabited lowlands. Crabs and shrimps are caught in in plenty in the paddy fields (I remember accompanying daddy to the farm for a walk and coming back home with at least two crabs for dinner! J )…

I can go on and on when it comes to talking about my hometown. But not right now. The point is… Goa is something that is inseparable from my soul. Even death cannot do us apart.

So…when my dreams got me to Bangalore, I felt I would be lost in its crowd. The traffic, honking, busy lifestyle, fun-on-Fridays mentality… all was so overwhelmingly disturbing! It took me months to get used to the fact that I am no longer in a quiet and peaceful place closely tied to nature. Home sickness took over me several times. With great difficulty, I gathered myself up to be a part of this agitated city. But, deep down within me, I have kept alive the child that still dreams about her home so green and so beautiful.

This child in me wakes up every morning… asks me to buckle up my shoes and get going to the park. The green and flowering trees there help me feel somewhat at home. The fresh air fills my lungs blackened on the inside due to the vehicle exhausts and the dry dust that’s found in plenty everywhere here. This child… doesn’t settle down till I find myself in the park among many others striving for peace and good health.
 
Peace and good health… how heavy are these words? Heavy or expensive? I do not know. But while in the park, I feel, yes, they are way too costly. How much does one need to spend to buy these two things in life? A pair of shoes and might be a track suit. That would hardly cost anything when compared to the average salaries paid to the folks by the MNCs in Bangalore. If this is true, then there should have been a big young crowd at the jogger’s park every weekend! But I do not see this happening… What I see there … is completely different.

Men and women, most of them in their sixties and seventies, retired from work, with sons and daughters to take care of their morning breakfast,  drag themselves to this small park. The lady with shiny grey hair and wrinkled skin is my favorite fellow – jogger. Not because she is cute and greets me with a smile always, but only because I find her so strongly determined to be there without fail. And the others there, all of my parent’s and grand-parent’s age, have their own reasons of coming to the park. Some must have been advised by their medics and nutritionists to work – out in order maintain or lower down their sugar and cholesterol levels, others might be having severe arthritis or rheumatic bones. But I see it all boiling down to a single thing; it is not health consciousness of course. It is something that has been forced upon all of them by their health problems or by bad experiences in their life so far. It is something that has made them realize the value of being healthy and fit. It is something that they have realized after they have been in pain due to whatever reasons and yes… it is something that we youth have still not understood.

I do not deny the fact there are youngsters in the park. A handful, but all of them with extra pounds around their waists or with big bellies. And also do not deny that there are a few enlightened ones working out in gyms and at home. No offense intended to them or to anyone.

But, I wonder, how long does it really take for a person to realize the importance of good health? Good health triggers good thinking, which in turn brings success to the individual and the nation. Why do we fail to understand this? Or to put it in a better way, why do we fail to execute our broad and modern notions of healthy and happy lives? Does it really require losing a big portion of our lives and be hit by health issues and then finding a way out through exercise?

I and my old jolly friends in the park do not talk. But all seem to be walking towards a common goal. All seem to thinking the same thing. Their experiences, their grey hair and aging skins seem to answer some of my questions. The questions that keep springing up from my past, pinch my present and endanger my future. They seem to be telling me that life stays meaningless until we find it a meaning, identify and do our duties sincerely and then retire to go in search of peace for the short time left in hand for the old self...

I find solace in that place even without having people of my own age there. They motivate me, they soothe my worried emotions, and they remind me of home and of my parents, always backing me up with all the strength they are left with…and yes… these old park-pals of mine tell me silently that life is short and that we need to live it to the fullest.

So, my mornings are crowded with thoughts and remnants of my dreams of the night. Some unsorted things keep flying in my mind like dust particles. This dust happens to settle down only after my jogging session in the morning, to clear my thoughts and to get me ready me for the long day ahead ... unlike the road dust that meets the earth in the night, heavy with mist and eager to rise up next morning to create havocs around the city...

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

I believe in Angels…

I stood by the window that night,
Stuttering to breathe in the freezing air…
The snow covered scene was all my eyes could see,
The winter’s wrath was hard to bear…

Trapped was I, unable to step out,
Lost so badly … and tired…I could barely shout…
The cold knew not its bounds; it engulfed life all around me,
I kept trying hard to be as strong as I could be…
The last candle besides me was still burning itself to death to keep me warm,
And I knew how it must be feeling…
Loneliness kept biting me all the while…
My heart was burning… for God knows how many ages….

A tear waited eagerly to trickle down the edge of my eye…
I feared that the cold might turn it down to ice right where it originated….
It wouldn’t even let me cry out loud enough to feel at peace…

And …that was when I saw the shooting star…
Its fading trail told me that it just fell somewhere into my snow covered garden…
I ran out to see how and what it looked like…
But …I couldn’t find anything …

Disappointed …I turned back to walk towards the burning candle …
And was taken back to see what stood before of me…
Flaunting the elegant white wings and the powerful magic wand in hand…
Adorned with a peaceful smile and saintly glow…
Was the Angel from the heavens...just for me….

The Angel smiled and mended the melting candle…
It was bright and warm again and so I could breathe …
The Angel made fire and cleared the snow outside…
The Angel now wouldn’t let me freeze…

The Angel sang for me happy songs…
And I felt I never knew ,what was being lonely like…
The Angel watched over me when I fell asleep…
The Angel made sure that everything was all right…

The Angel stayed …The Angel brought in more love and happiness…
The Angel would stay with me forever…and I would bravely fight my loneliness…

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Don’t cry...my dear friend...

Please don’t cry, my dear friend...
There’s a lot yet to be seen...and this is not the end...
A lot to be given and given only...
Craving to take just once, but still waits the empty hand...

Masses around... hostile walk...
Toiling feet ...not meant to stop...
If you feel they’ll hear you and turn to see...
Then, know that it would be an unanswered knock...

When tears lose their value...
And love is weighed against feathers so heavy...
The nights no longer remain dark...
Coz the days become darker than the darkest of them...

But go on and on, stop not, my friend...
Coz the heaven prepares to see you smile...
It’s not in vain, your sweat of brow...
Never in vain your noble love...

Monday, July 18, 2011

Insomnia...

The deadly combination of sleeplessness and loneliness can kill a person. The frustration and the irritation that surrounds one can’t be understood by anyone else. It’s difficult to tackle the immense pressure that builds up and saturates one’s brain to the extent that it can’t be handled anymore. Things like music and books don’t work. Nothing seems to be working. Life begins to drain out. The earth seems to stop rotating. The world seems to be mocking you. It seems like it’s the end of everything.

She’s lost, running around to find something familiar. She fails to find it. Scary noises blare in the background .She calls out to her people, nobody answers. Something keeps telling her that there’s a way out. But the night is so dark that she can’t see her own self. Her eyes fill up with tears. She cries out his name. No answer. No help. Hope has left her...and she’s horrified...

I hate such nightmares!

Sunday, July 10, 2011

The Everlasting Journey...

I was a strong believer of the saying – “The more you see, the more you learn”. One knows more when he or she sees and analyses different situations without being biased. This leads him/her on the dignified path of life where he/she attains an insight in self and never gets beaten by evil. But I was badly betrayed by the closest implication of the same that, “the more you see, the more variations in behaviour and patterns you find”. That is where one tends to lose his ability to judge and decide. Hence ‘Learning’, in the true sense of the term, is an everlasting journey. It never ends, but continues till one surrenders to the rage of the world and holds the death close. Numerous faces, some masked and others pale, keep testing one’s capability to find what lies within. The environment changes colours faster than a chameleon.

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Finding ‘ME’...

The thought of the fact that I have to spend another year here sometimes haunts me. I don’t like the feeling...yes ..it was my decision to come all the way to Bangalore for the PG. The college, the course, the people and the place... everything is great. But yes, there’s a problem ...I can’t stop missing home and my family. I know, it’s absolutely normal and that anyone who is away from home feels the same. Most of the times I stay busy with my course work and projects and hence I have no time to spend thinking about home. Still the thought keeps flickering in the back of my mind. But there are times when the load is lesser (something that every student in the college craves for...and which is a good thing to happen actually). These days are the most troubling ones. Ample time to sit by the window and look at the birds in the evening sky, stare at the greens and feel the aroma of the yellows , read my earlier work , think about the cool evenings back in Goa , remember some stupid joke cracked by my sister and laugh out like a mad woman and then feel ashamed about doing that all alone etc etc... The whole point is that...I miss home badly.
But a still bigger point is...what a waste of time that is! Time is of great value to us here (yeah ..but we hardly run with the clocks...not needed! Weird timings, no days , no nights , no hours or minutes for us! Or should I say, we run faster than the clock’s hands?!) and so we are thought to utilize it with 110 % efficiency.
So , how could I cheat? I had to find a way out to think less about home and do something productive during the so called free time...
I got my old diary of poems out of its hiding place, brushed the dust away and read out a few poems aloud. I felt good. Not bad ..I thought! Why not do some scribbling right now , was the second thought ...so..my pen ran over the blank pages.. splashing over them the colours of the place I miss so much. Read a few of Gulzar’s poems and John Keats’ work and was motivated to go on..
Music...the inseparable part of me. It makes me..me, and I can’t do without it. I got out my collection of classics and the rest and played my favourites .Some long lost energy began to flow into my body ...filling me with the feeling of happiness that soothed my brains and heart along with my ears. I felt invigorated.
Music, writing , reading were things I was used to. But time had let the dust settle onto them and ..in a way ..on my mind to. But I decided not to let the human in me die. I found an answer to a question I had thought was so difficult to be found...

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

WHY HAVE I CHOSEN TO LEAVE BEHIND....

My eyes look out of the window..
The skies turning red..the birds retreat...
Reminding me.. that I should be where I am not right now...

The evenings there are no different..but a lot is..
The breeze that soothes the tired bodies..the swaying palm trees..
The evening glories..and the bumble bees...

The scent of the ripe grain...
The rejuvenated souls ..free from pain..
The ripples on the water in the pond..
The clouds above filled with the eager rain...

I regain my senses...
I Come back to the real ...to the scary...
Why am I not where I should be...
Why have I chosen to leave behind ..all that’s simple and so lively?....