Don’t cry...my dear friend...

Please don’t cry, my dear friend...
There’s a lot yet to be seen...and this is not the end...
A lot to be given and given only...
Craving to take just once, but still waits the empty hand...

Masses around... hostile walk...
Toiling feet ...not meant to stop...
If you feel they’ll hear you and turn to see...
Then, know that it would be an unanswered knock...

When tears lose their value...
And love is weighed against feathers so heavy...
The nights no longer remain dark...
Coz the days become darker than the darkest of them...

But go on and on, stop not, my friend...
Coz the heaven prepares to see you smile...
It’s not in vain, your sweat of brow...
Never in vain your noble love...

Insomnia...

The deadly combination of sleeplessness and loneliness can kill a person. The frustration and the irritation that surrounds one can’t be understood by anyone else. It’s difficult to tackle the immense pressure that builds up and saturates one’s brain to the extent that it can’t be handled anymore. Things like music and books don’t work. Nothing seems to be working. Life begins to drain out. The earth seems to stop rotating. The world seems to be mocking you. It seems like it’s the end of everything.

She’s lost, running around to find something familiar. She fails to find it. Scary noises blare in the background .She calls out to her people, nobody answers. Something keeps telling her that there’s a way out. But the night is so dark that she can’t see her own self. Her eyes fill up with tears. She cries out his name. No answer. No help. Hope has left her...and she’s horrified...

I hate such nightmares!

The Everlasting Journey...

I was a strong believer of the saying – “The more you see, the more you learn”. One knows more when he or she sees and analyses different situations without being biased. This leads him/her on the dignified path of life where he/she attains an insight in self and never gets beaten by evil. But I was badly betrayed by the closest implication of the same that, “the more you see, the more variations in behaviour and patterns you find”. That is where one tends to lose his ability to judge and decide. Hence ‘Learning’, in the true sense of the term, is an everlasting journey. It never ends, but continues till one surrenders to the rage of the world and holds the death close. Numerous faces, some masked and others pale, keep testing one’s capability to find what lies within. The environment changes colours faster than a chameleon.

Finding ‘ME’...

The thought of the fact that I have to spend another year here sometimes haunts me. I don’t like the feeling...yes ..it was my decision to come all the way to Bangalore for the PG. The college, the course, the people and the place... everything is great. But yes, there’s a problem ...I can’t stop missing home and my family. I know, it’s absolutely normal and that anyone who is away from home feels the same. Most of the times I stay busy with my course work and projects and hence I have no time to spend thinking about home. Still the thought keeps flickering in the back of my mind. But there are times when the load is lesser (something that every student in the college craves for...and which is a good thing to happen actually). These days are the most troubling ones. Ample time to sit by the window and look at the birds in the evening sky, stare at the greens and feel the aroma of the yellows , read my earlier work , think about the cool evenings back in Goa , remember some stupid joke cracked by my sister and laugh out like a mad woman and then feel ashamed about doing that all alone etc etc... The whole point is that...I miss home badly.
But a still bigger point is...what a waste of time that is! Time is of great value to us here (yeah ..but we hardly run with the clocks...not needed! Weird timings, no days , no nights , no hours or minutes for us! Or should I say, we run faster than the clock’s hands?!) and so we are thought to utilize it with 110 % efficiency.
So , how could I cheat? I had to find a way out to think less about home and do something productive during the so called free time...
I got my old diary of poems out of its hiding place, brushed the dust away and read out a few poems aloud. I felt good. Not bad ..I thought! Why not do some scribbling right now , was the second thought ...so..my pen ran over the blank pages.. splashing over them the colours of the place I miss so much. Read a few of Gulzar’s poems and John Keats’ work and was motivated to go on..
Music...the inseparable part of me. It makes me..me, and I can’t do without it. I got out my collection of classics and the rest and played my favourites .Some long lost energy began to flow into my body ...filling me with the feeling of happiness that soothed my brains and heart along with my ears. I felt invigorated.
Music, writing , reading were things I was used to. But time had let the dust settle onto them and ..in a way ..on my mind to. But I decided not to let the human in me die. I found an answer to a question I had thought was so difficult to be found...

WHY HAVE I CHOSEN TO LEAVE BEHIND....

My eyes look out of the window..
The skies turning red..the birds retreat...
Reminding me.. that I should be where I am not right now...

The evenings there are no different..but a lot is..
The breeze that soothes the tired bodies..the swaying palm trees..
The evening glories..and the bumble bees...

The scent of the ripe grain...
The rejuvenated souls ..free from pain..
The ripples on the water in the pond..
The clouds above filled with the eager rain...

I regain my senses...
I Come back to the real ...to the scary...
Why am I not where I should be...
Why have I chosen to leave behind ..all that’s simple and so lively?....

One just wanted to fly...

In an attempt to fly...
One jumps into a dark dungeon...
Blindfold self tries to trace the walls...
But the limbs refuse to move..
Shackled..tied...stifled ...
Lonely ..crippled..one waits..waits to find a helping hand...

No calls answered..unheard go the cries..
No replies in return...
But the ears catch their laughter...
Are they happy to see one suffer?
Or is there something like..
Unhappy Laughter?
Like there are tears of happiness....

Darkness creeps in ..and the cold..
Drenches one to the bones...
Cries of agony heard again ..unheard yet again....

Sudden rush of warm blood...
Now frees the veins from the claws of cold...
Silent sparks of hope enlighten the inner being..
The light ..too bright...blindfolds the blind...
Just asked for a speck of help...and it comes down in bundles...

Desire...

I long for the dawn...
When my senses will wake up..
to hear the chirps of the birds in my garden..
I long for the dawn...
That’s marked by the aroma that flows out the morning glories...
I long for the dawn...
That’s a dawn coz my dad just woke up to begin his day...
I long for the dawn...
That’s a dawn coz my mom said it is...

I long for the day...
When the sun would wake me up breaking through my window..
I long for the day..
When I would see my mom water the plants with a smile on her face...
I long for the day...
When I would hear my dad talking lovingly to Rambo ...
I long for the day..
When panu would smile and say..”didi,u can still sleep for some more time..”..

I long for the beautiful evenings...
When I would get on to the terrace to see the setting sun...
I long for the beautiful evenings..
That are flavoured with the ringing bells in the temples..
I long for the beautiful evenings..
Which get with them the chilling breeze...
I long for the beautiful evenings..
Which are beautiful ..coz me and Vishal are together...


I long for the nights...
Happy to see us gather at the dining table ...
I long for the nights...
Silent and cozy ...just perfect ..coz its my sweet home...
I long for the nights...
So romantic under the moon and stars...
I long for the nights...
Which mean it’s time to sleep ..and not that one needs to keep up working like a fool...

The yellow blossoms...

The yellow blossoms outside my window..
Swing with the morning breeze and bloom...
Yellow’s the mild rising sun...
Brightly adorned.. the green garden...

The call to the bees is sent over miles..
They hum the tune in the ears of the yellows...
The yellows blush ..in the greeny lush...
The spring is here in the meadows...

Scented and levitating in fragrance this morn..
My heart longs for you...
Bright like the blossoms.. I stand at the horizon...
Waiting to hear ...the hum from you....

LOST.....

It’s so very undone...
Unaware of whether I am dead or alive..
Wake me up... if I am sleeping...
Shake me awake.... let me not be dreaming....

I have seen the thunders roar..
In the skies above a few heads and mine....
They’re not the rainy clouds that are spreading....
It’s a storm..so dangerous and growing...

Run for life ....or run for the rest in pain...
Forward it is...or backwards insane...
It’s the light that does way with the dark...
Or is it the darkness that makes visible... the spark....

Staring into the emptiness.. wide eyed I stand...
Call out my name ....or give me your hand...
My light’s missing and I am in need of it right now...
Am I still sleeping or badly in need of some sleep right now???